Crushing Hard #1: Challengers & Love Lies Bleeding
Queer. Intense. Sweaty. Yes, please.
Welcome to my new series, Crushing Hard! Movie theaters are my church and TV is a cherished family member. Because of this, I find myself constantly developing new crushes on fictional characters. Fantasies can motivate us. Crushes keep us young. Allow the butterflies to flow freely through your body.
Challengers and Love Lies Bleeding are by far the best movies I’ve watched (twice each) in 2024 thus far. They both have tennis court scenes and disturbing leg injuries. Cute! And of course, very hot, albeit unhealthy, portrayals of love and lust.
I will keep spoilers to a minimum. The following is more so the ways in which Tashi, Art, Patrick, Lou and Jackie will give you lots of non-platonic feelings.
Challengers
I have always been a fan of Zendaya. She is wildly talented and this is absolutely her movie. She makes every scene look effortless, sexy, cool, and by all means is the one in charge. Mike Faist and Josh O'Connor are worthy costars and you will be charmed by all three of their characters even when they are making very interesting decisions. 👀
Its only cons:
The cringe reminder of clothes we wore during 2006-2011.
Unfortunately makes you feel romantic and nostalgic towards Applebee's.
The irrational belief you would be pretty good at tennis.
Tashi is referred to as the hottest woman alive. This is correct. Even the most vanilla person alive would want her to spit in their face. Yes, her appearance is perfect and gorgeous, but the confidence and drive she has even during her lowest moments makes her attractive in a way you would trip over your own feet and not be able to form sentences in her presence. Energy I will spend the next several years trying to acquire.
Art is sweet yet conniving. Patrick is a piece of shit but lovable. They both can be little bitches but that’s why any of us would swap them out every couple of years. A win-win situation!
Their flirty eyes and smirks scream, “I want to give you mind-blowing orgasms over and over.” Art’s jawline could cut glass. Patrick’s hands could make anyone risk it all.
Tashi loves power. Art loves Tashi. Patrick loves himself. They all love each other in a fucked up, we bring out the best and worst in each other, kind of way. Tale as old as time. I hope they live happily ever after as a thriving throuple.
Love Lies Bleeding
During the height of Twilight, I was attracted to the parent characters, not the teenagers. Hey, Esme. Hey, Charlie. Then the era of complex dramas like Clouds of Sils Maria, Still Alice, Certain Women and “I'm, like, so gay, dude” Kristen happened. Suddenly I found myself needing to watch every single thing she was in.
Kristen and Katy O'Brian are breathtaking in Love Lies Bleeding. They completely lose themselves in the vulnerable, aggressive, desperate for love, hot as hell characters, Lou and Jackie. You fear them while also wanting to protect them.
Two women born into nightmare environments, they can’t seem to escape, who find a glimmer of hope and solace in one another. It’s impossible not to root for the pair.
Its only cons:
Steer clear if you are not prepared for violence.
The amount of ick Ed Harris and Dave Franco will give you is off the charts.
Will somehow make you horny for eggs and protein shakes.
Jackie is a tiny-shorts-wearing, resilient, endearing, ripped femme. Even though there is an unsettling mysteriousness about her, she has a spark and a playfulness that draws you in. She has a deep desire to find a better path for herself, and nobody is going to stand in her way. You want to be friends with her, and if she happens to want to make out with you every day, all day, you are more than willing. I would let her ruin my life.
Lou is a sensitive, rough and tough around the edges, soft butch. She is the Shane McCutcheon of her rural New Mexico town. This means I probably would have behaved like the lovesick, wounded puppy character Daisy, always in pursuit of Lou’s attention and pussy. I don’t care if you smell like clogged gym toilets, please fuck me in your truck.
I also hope they live happily ever after. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Let me know who you're crushing hard on. 😈
Tay
This is perfect. Love Lies Bleeding was amazing and I've thought about how hot they are 1900 times since I saw it